Its been a little over a month since we closed the doors at Rockbox.
I've been in what I'm calling "Monk Mode". Lots of reading and writing.
When I look back on it, I did everything I could. I put in the work based on what I knew at each stage. It would be easy to externalize the failure on things that weren't in my control. "The franchise didn't train me or provide the support I needed", "the leads were bad", "nobody picked up the slack", "the timing was bad". Thats not me though.
I take full responsibility.
So I've been going deep into the root cause of the failure. I've been going internal.
So why did I fail?
Fear. Fear of losing the identity I had attached myself to.
The identity of a successful guy who has money, nice things, and can travel.
I had been blessed with those things from my job in the oilfield
I didn’t know that I had allowed those things to define me so when it came down to challenging people to join the gym and overcome their own personal barriers I held back. I was scared to lose.
I held back on delegating responsibility and projected my own expectations onto our trainers and staff without having the difficult conversations.
I took on all the responsibility and stretched myself thin rather than giving them space to grow and contribute to the business in their own way.
Identity and fear
When your ego is under threat of death it clings for dear life. Constant anxiety and pressure to perform.
When you are serving others, this bleeds off into your conversations. People know intuitively if you are coming from a place of service or intend to benefit from them signing up in any way. They don’t know this but it induces fear in their brain and they are already fearful as it is getting in shape for the first time in years
So where do I go from here?
I build a stronger foundation. One not built on fear but of love and acceptance of myself. With this foundation I can go into my next venture from a position of strength rather than insecurity. I will be playing poker to work on detachment from outcomes and taking on some sales roles to keep my skills fresh.